


Some Thoughts on Jayne

by Jumpyrope



Category: Firefly, Serenity (2005)
Genre: Hes so terrible but then he does A Nice Thing, I just finished watching Firefly &Serenity, Jayne catches feelings like it's an illness, Jayne is my favorite I think, Post Serenity, i am sad, rape mention
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2017-07-10
Packaged: 2018-11-30 04:01:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11455554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jumpyrope/pseuds/Jumpyrope
Summary: Jayne is my favorite character because he's not a good guy, but he's not a bad guy. He'll sell out a crew member. He'll be crude and vulgar and mean. He'll also check everyone's seat belts before sitting himself down safely. There's more to him than sex and guns (though that's most of him)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I just wrote some stuff that I thought about and figured I might as well post it. Firefly deserved so much more.

"Jayne is a girls name!" 

The taunting child and the other two bullies behind him laughed. Jayne, the young boy they had decided to tease, balled his fists up in a rage. 

"I ain't got no girls name! My momma said I got a helluva manly name!" He was on the defensive, but he did hold some pride in his name. Sometimes. 

"Jayne, kids might pick on you cuz they think your name's weird. Don't you pay them no mind, because I picked that name out for you special. And if you can walk with your head held high and be proud of yourself despite the bullies, that makes you more of a man than they'll ever be." The words his mom told him on his first day of school. 

Jayne hated school, always too much talking and never enough playing. He knows what his colors are, can say his abcs in English and Chinese just like anyone! He didn't want to stay there for long in that dirty smelly place with all the other kids. 

Kids could be mean, they could be downright sadistic. Jayne never hurt nobody that didn't deserve it, in his eyes. And the kid who said "your momma's a dumbass then!" absolutely deserved a broken nose and two missing teeth. He did feel bad when his mom had to take him home. She looked sad, and he looked down at his feet, holding loosely onto her hand and shuffling along next to her. 

"Why'd'ya hit him, Jayne?" His mom asked when they got home. He crossed his arms, setting his jaw in confidence. 

"He called you a dumbass. I was defendin' your honor!" Jayne felt much better after his mom smiled a little at that and opened her arms to him. He ran right into them and hugged her right back. 

"That's my brave boy. But Jayne," she pulled away from the hug, kneeling down to look him in the eyes, "don't you go losing your temper all the time. That boy is hurt real bad cuz of how you hit him. Defend yourself first, don't attack without reason, and don't start fights you know you can't win." To this very day, Jayne adheres by these words. He doesn't admit to the guilty feeling in his chest when he "conveniently" forgets her next words of advise. 

"And always keep a heart of compassion."

\---

Jayne picks the toothpick out of his mouth, feeling the bit of dinner that he had stuck in between his teeth be freed. It never tastes too great after it's been sitting in your mouth for a bit. Unless it's steak. Steak was always good. 

Having effectively picked his mouth clean, he flicks the bit of wood across the room, leaning back on his pillow. He feels the ship rock just a bit, and he narrows his eyes with a frown. Damn Wash, probably bumped the wheel with his elbow or stopped paying attention and hit a rock or something. Jayne figured it had to be him. The ship rocks again and he sits up, annoyed. They had set a clear course for their next drop off, there was no reason the ship should bump around in open space. 

Jayne has had enough when another sudden movement of the ship makes him fall to the side, hitting his head on the wall next to him.  
"Ahh, shit." He mutters, rubbing his head, throwing the sheet off his legs and getting up. Angrily, he climbs out of his room and starts down the hall to the bridge. 

"Wash!" He yells, going into the cockpit, looking for the pilot. "The hell's up with the-" he stops in his tracks when he walks in. Wash wasn't in the pilots chair. River was. 

Jayne doesn't hesitate, he walks over, steps heavy and angered. 

"Girl what the hell you think you're doin' up here? Where's your brother, ain't he supposed to be keepin' an eye on you?" He reaches over to grab her arm, but sees that she's already moved it away before he even gets there. Slowly, River turns around in the swivel chair before stopping, facing him. Jayne remains silent, being stared up at by those unreadable eyes. 

She tilts her head, like she's curious. Jayne stares her down as she stares up at him, but he's the one who feels intimidated. Ain't fair. 

"You know you ain't supposed to be in here, so. Git." He shoos his arm out to the side, as if that would get her to move. She doesn't. "Come on, you deaf or somethin'? Git!" He shoos her away again, but this time she stands up. Jayne freezes up once again, for a moment. Then she walks past, stepping slowly and not making a sound with her bare feet on the cold metal floors. 

"Brave boy, afraid." she mutters, and Jayne just looks at her in confusion until she spooky-walks her way out of his sight. Then, he lets out a sigh. 

"Āng zāng de guǎngfàn hé tāmen de qíguài de gǒu shǐ." He mutters, shaking his head as he goes back to his cabin. Wash jogs past him, slowing down. 

"Hey, you feel Serenity bumping around like she's in water?" The pilot asks, hopping in place while he waits. Jayne nods. "You got any idea why?" Jayne opens his mouth to speak, but those blank eyes of River's that yet held so much in them bore into his head. He closes his mouth and shakes his head no, shrugging his shoulders before heading back to his cabin. He takes a nap without the ship bumping around anymore. 

\--- 

"Momma you're gonna be okay! Right momma?" Jayne stood at the side of his mom's bed as she coughed blood into her handkerchief. This woman had raised him for 15 years now and he wanted her around for more than that. 

"Jayney boy..." she coughed again, reaching her clean hand to touch his face. "Course I'll be okay. The good doctor is gonna fix me right up, so don't you worry none." 

That night, while the "good doctor" was checking up on her when Jayne was supposed to be asleep in his bed, he heard his mom crying. He snuck down the hall, bare feet quiet on the dirt floor or their ramshackle home. 

"I'm sorry Ms. Cobb. I just can't provide you with the right materials if I don't get the compensation. I can give you some more pain killers, but without the money, I won't be able to treat you fully." The Doctor sounded sympathetic, but Jayne knew better. That man didn't care one shit about his momma. He just wanted the money. That night, he wrote a note and put it on his bed for his mom to find and ran away. He was gonna get that money, he had to get that money. 

\---

"Jayne! Pull your damn weight, boy!" The shout from his employer has Jayne glaring at the box of guns he had trouble picking up. He just had to get the cargo on the ship and then he'd get paid. Easy. He grunts, wrapping his arms around the box tightly, lifting it into the ship. He drops it on the ground with the other boxes, swearing as it slips through his arms. He pulls his hand back and looks at the big chunk of wood that had bed itself in his forearm. Jayne grimaces and pulls it out of his arm slowly, gritting his teeth through the pain. Once it's pulled out, he tosses it on the floor and looks at his arm. It's a pretty nasty wound, and he starts picking splinters out of it. 

"Boy!" The sudden yell makes him jump, ripping a big splinter out too quickly. He won't cry. Jayne doesn't cry. 

"Boy what the hell'ya doing? Get back to work!" The captain storms up to him, and Jayne turns around, showing him his arm. The man swears in Chinese, too quiet for Jayne to understand exactly what it was. He storms off again after telling Jayne to just get back to work and wrap it up or something. 

Jayne starts to forget about compassion. 

\---

The adults were talking, the law enforcement had shown up. Jayne didn't pay it any mind. He just continued doing his job, moving crates into the ship. A gunshot and yelling signals him to get down on the ground. 

He wasn't dumb. He knew this job was shifty, he took it because it payed well. He saw one of the other workers fall backwards, bloody hands clutching his gut. Jayne narrows his eyes, backing into the ship to hide behind cover. More gunshots fire, and more voices yell, and he can tell this might be a while. He didn't realize the work was going to be this illegal. 

Jayne breaks into one of the boxes and gets himself a gun and the ammo in the box with it. He fills it up like he saw how to and peeks around the corner. The thrill that fills him the first time he fires at the officer has filled him just the same for the rest of his life. 

\--- 

Jayne is 21 the first time he witnessed a reaver attack. 

He had made his home with a small group of untrustworthy fellows. The payload for the jobs they get are high, the risks higher. People say that being out in the deep black all alone makes a man go mad. But he's been out there plenty with these guys and other guys and by himself alike. He never got the urge to start raping or murdering or tearing his own skin off. 

Jayne knew that they were scary, sure. Give a guy nightmares just thinking of them. But Jayne wasn't afraid, thinking they were probably over exaggerated. Reavers are just crazy people, and crazy people can be killed just like any other. 

The first time he saw one, he realized they weren't people at all. 

He and the crew had bunked down for a few nights in a little town on some far off settler planet. They were just staying there to eat food, drink beer, and bed women. Just take it easy for a few days before heading out again. 

Someone ran into the bar, the slamming as the door opened making the five guys at the table startle instinctively. The man who ran in was bloody and obviously terrified. Jayne couldn't recollect a time he's seen anyone quite that scared looking before. 

"Reavers-" the man barely gets the word out before the door slams open again and a mess of hair and blood and limbs descend on him. Jayne never heard anyone scream like that before either. 

All five of them pull out their guns and start firing, but it seems to only pull the thing's attention. Jayne gets a look at its face as it charges at them. The other four fire. He runs. 

Jayne runs past it out the door, past the man gurgling on the floor, dying slowly after being ripped open. He runs down the street, looking around as he sees more of them. Crashing through windows without shielding their faces, taking bullets without stopping, running without fatigue. He doesn't look anymore, he runs as fast as he can, ignoring the screams. The ship was just outside of town, if he could just get to the ship- 

Something collides with him, throwing him to the side. It's a rush of the smell of rotting flesh and blood and metal. He covers his face, seeing those wild eyes over himself. He's scraped and clawed with sharp things, he doesn't even know what. Jayne fires wildly until it stops moving and throws it off of himself, coughing as he tries not to breathe in the smell. There was blood all over him and his clothes were torn. His skin was torn too, but he was alive. He retreats into a building, over the broken glass of the window and into the little store. There were a few bodies, and he is relieved by the idea that the monsters already hit this place. 

Jayne catches his breath, choking on the air around him. He empties his gut onto some some lovely trinkets on the floor. He doesn't cry, tears just happen in his eyes. He knows he has to get out, sitting here was just waiting to get defiled to death. He wouldn't let himself go out that way. 

Jayne got out, somehow, he made it to the ship. He took off without hesitation, not waiting for anybody. He got away, flew way into the sky and didn't stop flying until he was sure nobody was following. 

He's sure there's no worse sound in the world than the sounds he heard in that town. 

\--- 

The trip to Miranda was probably the most scared he'd ever been willing to admit. In the middle of reaver territory, having those awful awful noises transmitted into Serenity, he could just cradle his gun and concentrate on breathing. Then there was the transmission of the woman, that message of the truth, and the reaver attacked her and she couldn't stop it and she couldn't end it so she screamed so loud. Turn it off turn it off just fucking turn it off. 

Jayne had a job to do. Hold off the reavers. Barricade the door, set up cover behind boxes, fire until you can't fire no more. He was scared, sure. Anyone with half a brain would be scared. But he wasn't going to die. He couldn't let himself die here, he wanted to survive. 

At the very least, he wouldn't let them kill him.


	2. Weird-Ass Siblings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jayne tended to look down on the pretentious doc and his psycho sister. There were some moments when he didn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Due to popular (1) demand, here is more. I had some of this sitting around all broken up and not good so I polished it a bit. Here take it I'm gonna go cry about this show again.

The doctor looks up at Jayne with wonder in his eyes and a sense of companionship in his praises. Nobody looks at Jayne with that much adoration other than his mom. Simon, at that moment, actually, truly liked him. He thought Jayne risked his life for them, saved them selflessly. And Jayne did do those things, sort of. But he was also the one who got them in the situation in the first place, and still he was mostly thinking about getting himself out alive. 

Jayne felt guilty, an emotion he doesn't much like to feel. But that smile, that pure grin as Simon recounted the tale of his heroics made something in his chest twist beyond his control. He couldn't face the shame of the doctor knowing the truth after that. For once in his life, other than in Jaynestown, somebody thought he was good. Jayne couldn't quite tell if he liked this feeling, all fuzzy and nice with that center of sharp guilt that would poke him whenever he touched that fuzzy and nice feeling. 

\---

Mal locked him out. Jayne held onto the door of Serenity, the only thing between himself and safety. The hatch behind him opened and he felt the air rushing out of the room, threatening to take him with it. Jayne knew he didn't want to go out like that. Shot and bled to death? He went down fighting at least. That was honorable. He could handle being taken down by a bullet. But being sucked into space, floating until he passed out and never came back? That was pitiful. 

It soon became clear to him that he wasn't getting out of this situation alive, so his mind leapt to one thing. _Don't let the others know._ He didn't want them to know that he betrayed them. He wouldn't be there to see the looks on their faces, but he still didn't want to put them through that. It wasn't his only reason though. He didn't want to die a traitor. Jayne betrayed a lot of people before, some people multiple times, but he never died because of it. Please, he wanted someone to remember him kindly after he was gone. 

The captain didn't let him die. Didn't let him back on the ship for a while, but didn't let him die. Jayne sat there in the entry, head fuzzy after they broke the atmosphere and were back in space, and thought. He didn't really understand. How come Malcolm didn't let him die? The question bothered him for a couple days, but like anything else, he pushed it to the side and stopped thinking about it again.

\---

Jayne got hurt, knocked out. He woke up in the infirmary. Simon was treating him, like usual. But something was different about this time he found himself getting patched up. He couldn't move. The doctor was leaning over him, a smug little look on his (pretty) face. Jayne couldn't move. The doctor explains. His spine... no. No, _no_.

Jayne ain't the smartest bullet in the gun, but he knows that if you hurt yourself on the spine, you get paralyzed. He can't be paralyzed. He'd rather just be dead than paralyzed. 

Simon continues, explaining it was just something he gave to Jayne to keep him from hurting himself further by moving around. Jayne could kill him, if he could move. That asshole doctor worded it all specifically and paused for just long enough to scare Jayne into thinking he would never be able to move again. Then Simon threatened him. Make nice with the doctor and his crazy sister or he might "accidentally" give Jayne the wrong treatment, or not even treat him at all. It would've sent a shudder down his spine if he could feel it. 

River, that fēngkuáng guǎngfàn, just had to threaten him too. She was much more simple, straight to the point. 

"I can kill you with my mind." She said, a smile on her face. Jayne knows she damn well might be able to. He lays there in silence until his limbs come back to life. 

\---

Jayne tries to get rid of her in an attempt to keep Serenity safe. She beats him up and knocks him out. He tries to stop her from killing random people in a bar. She beats him up and knocks him out. 

River is a force of nature that just ain't natural, and honestly that's pretty damn scary to Jayne. He won't admit that though. 

\--- 

They barricade themselves in, shutting the blast doors. But the doors, they didn't shut all the way. They stopped, leaving a window in the center. Zoe was sliced up the back, Kaylee had three swollen puncture wounds in her neck and what had to be something poison running through her veins. Simon stands up, having left his stupid medical bag outside. He gets shot. 

Jayne felt a bit useless. There wasn't nothing to shoot at the moment, though there could be in any second. The siblings are crying, Kaylee is losing consciousness, Zoe not looking too good either. And then River books it to that little window, chucks the bag inside, and shuts herself out. 

It felt weird. He was... upset, angry, confused, horrified, and stunned all in one moment. That little girl was going to get herself killed. No, in that mess, it would be worse. River was surely suffering a fate worse than death just beyond those doors, just to save her brother and the rest of them. Jayne's eyes got a bit wet, but he never cries. 

Malcolm comes back, and Jayne feels such a strange relief at seeing that wángbā dàn and hearing that they were successful in their mission. They lost two people, Wash and River, but they were successful. Honestly, that was a whole lot better than Jayne was expecting this all to go. 

He is proven wrong a moment later. They only lost one person in this mission. 

There she is, standing atop bodies of reavers, their blood dripping from the sword and axe in her hands. Seeing that was a strange mixture of relief and fear. But still, he had to admit, that was totally badass. 

After that, River started to be somewhat okay in his book.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> May or may not have a gay-ass fic in the making for everyone's favorite rough bad boy and awkward smartypants. Uhh, yeah. Thanks for reading this shit tho, I appreciate

**Author's Note:**

> Uh yeah that's all I got. For now. Might add more if something else comes to mind but don't really care.


End file.
